Covid Time, Inclusion Center newsletter

WRITINGS

Medical appointments, Best and worse of Covid, People say darndest things

Medical appointments during Covid

We all have to deal with our problems, medical issues, etc within new parameters because of the virus. There are new risks to weigh, and some things are no longer within the same reach. My oncology appointment has been cancelled twice. I can't get my mammogram. It's just the way it is. I am hoping everything is alright, and I don't need to worry. I hope the same for you all. That things can comfortably, and safely, wait a bit.

It's been the best of times.....and the worst of times....

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I helped clean up my brother's yard. E. and I brought a small dresser. I took out some outdoor furniture on my balcony and hung up five pictures and cleaned my apartment and organized it.

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I’ve been feeling super relaxed not going 5000 mph, it’s nice to slow down a bit. I can slow down, it’s wonderful.

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For people who have a disability, getting out is a big thing so for us being quarantined is really hard because you go from being quite isolated to be completely isolated.

I have been looking out my apartment windows for nearly two years now, long before the COVID lockdown came about.  At first I was focusing on the other residents, walking dogs in the parking lot or going off to work. My attitude was either one of envy (I had to leave my beloved job two years ago) or anger (they often did not respect the after-hours quiet time and partied right under my window.)  But as time went on, I got into the habit of reading the large colored note I tacked next to my biggest window.  It reads:

I will have all the energy and strength needed to heal if I concentrate it on myself rather than allowing it to leak all over everyone else's business.

I quit spying on dog owners who refused to pick up after their pets. I stopped being angry at the building manager who spent her days smoking at the picnic table instead of cleaning up the messes in the hallway. I ceased the unhealthy practice of listening for the 5 a.m. loud muffler car that fired up each morning right outside my bedroom.

I began focusing on the joys I could 'encounter' outside my window and continue to do so during this time of seclusion: I took (blurry) photos of the bald eagle preening himself in the tree not 30 feet away. I looked up in my bird identification book to discover that the funny white swimmers going by in the slow creek were male mergansers. I listened to the dear sound of the blackbirds in the cattails. I watched the antics of the starlings as they flew across the parking lot, a long trail of buff-colored grass in their beaks, headed to a new nesting sight. When I hear an airplane approaching, I run from one window to another, trying to catch a glimpse of it and wonder if it is the local pilot that I know.

By altering my attitude, I now enjoy looking out my window. It brings me joy!

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It triggers every bad memory, every traumatic moment of my youth, it’s horrible, absolutely awful for me.

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In my case, my grandmother just passed away, not being able to do her funeral service, that can be very hard. We got the obituary done and that’s good. It will take forever to have the funeral when it should have taken a week or two. We have a huge family, we want the whole family to be there. We’re going to wait to bury my grandmother until everybody can come. My grandmother had seven kids so you can imagine how many members of the family we have and we're going to wait to bury her until everyone can come from everywhere.

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One of the few opportunities I used to have to get out was going grocery shopping with my aide. But I detest the overwhelming feeling of stores like that and my least favorite thing are the trashy magazines at the checkout counter. Now i have zero contact with such things and I don't miss it a bit!

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Hardest....  no one is going to work now so all the families are home here at the apartment building and it is NOISY, NOISY, NOISY!

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One thing I've decided to believe is that everyone is smiling kindly behind their mask.

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I’m loving being home now. It’s such a good thing for me. I was doing too much for too long and I needed this time off.  I’m sleeping more, I like to think I’m helping heal my body by being so quiet and relaxing, walking outside and not rushing all the time. The past few decades have been really busy for me, dealing with medical appointments all the time and coping and managing and dealing dealing dealing with everything! Having this quiet time, few medical appointments, little work, few people coming to the house…I’m able to just be with myself. It’s such a great chance to get to know myself again, without all the busyness of normal life, without focusing on disability or illness. I feel like this is such a blessed gift for me personally. 

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Given my spiritual bent, I am always trying to focus, or refocus, my energies toward embracing the positive in any given situation. 

The other day I finally gave in and went grocery shopping. Barely anyone was there and barely any groceries were stocked. 

Everyone there was masked and I was unsure if my BFF was there and we couldn't recognize her. So I decided that I would assume everyone was looking at me with love and joy in their hearts and I returned the same. It changed the whole experience for me. 

I still am bothered by the pervasive silence this period has brought. I am still very much grief stricken after losing my daughter. I am trying to practice intentional dreaming and I am getting better at it, but still only partially successful at it. 

Last night I dreamt that my basement was flooded and the water came in from everywhere. I noticed that there were frogs on roller skates just flowing out of the washing machine all happily cavorting in the flood. 

LOL. I don't think it would take Carl Jung very long to analyze that dream!

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Best of times: Not much has changed for me personally, my outings prior to Covid-19 were pretty much limited to visiting the IC. The one exciting change has been meeting new people on Zoom and realizing how meaningful online socializing can be. Once we reopen I am looking forward to integrating our friends at a distance into daily IC activities.

Worst of times: Watching the anguish of front- line people who work tirelessly to help others. The heartbreak is unimaginable, from those at the top whose years of medical training fail them to those who must clean-up once someone has passed. Heaven help us all.

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My pleasant feelings are of slowing down and taking the time “ to see the roses” and

appreciating my home my family. friends and nature and finding my inner talents cooking, knitting and above all learning to be a self healer.

The worst is allowing my fears to control me.

Also worrying about the health of everyone in our world family.

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Looking Out my window  

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when Covid times are over?

Go to Disney World!!!

Visit my son.

Eat out.

Go to the beach.

Go back into the stores and get a haircut. I will be called"Cousin It' pretty soon.